Queen Elizabeth’s Cousin Set To Have Gay Wedding

The royal family is set to record another epic even event this summer as Lord Mountbatten will be tying the nuptials with his gay Partner, James Coyle.

Lord Mountbatten who is a great-great-grandson of Queen Victoria, the Queen mother’s cousin announced that he was a gay in 2016 and became the first royal family member to venture into such lifestyle.

One very interesting but weird angle to this event is that Lord Mountbatten’s ex wife, Penny with who Lord has three children who are all girls will be walking him down the aisle and will equally give him out in marriage.  

Lord further revealed in his interview with the Mail, that the wedding will be the biggest day of his life and and will hold in the private chapel on Lord Mountbatten's estate in Devon but his royal relatives will not be in attendance because they have had their diaries full months ahead for the day, however, “they are very excited for us”. He concluded.

“For me, what is interesting is that I don’t need to get married because I’ve been there, done that and have my wonderful children; but I’m pushing it because I think it’s more important for him. “James hasn’t had the stable life I have. I want to be able to give him that.”

Although we are yet to read anything yet coming from the queen in terms of comment for this historic wedding but the queen mother had at one point in time made statements in support of the LGBT rights. She said “my government will make further progress to tackle the gender pay gap and discrimination against people on the basis of their race, faith, gender, disability or sexual orientation.

Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex married Prince Harry on the 19^th of May, 2018 as the first mixed race woman into the royal family

(C)ToyinIdowu

Does Pornography Really Help Sex In Marriage?

Pornography means sexually explicit materials like films, magazines, writings, photographs or other materials that are sexually explicit and intended to cause sexual arousal.

Although, quite a number of people that have been involved in porn materials claim that it helps them spice up their sexual lives in marriage. Though no other reason has been given apart from this but the truth is that the disadvantages to marriage obviously outweighs any advantage you could ever think of. According to science, porn trains brains to release more endorphins than normal in response to an overload of sexual stimuli. After a while, depending on how long the brains have been on pornography, they develop a need for higher dose in order to achieve the same arousal. This apparently leads to more hardcore porn and higher quantities of it. It does not only limit your ability to become aroused at all, but also can limit your dopamine receptors in general, causing you to become more anxious, less social, and perhaps depressed.

Moreover, the younger you were when you began watching porn, the worse the effects would be on you. For the married, which is what I am concentrating on here, it may seem helpful even now, but I’m sure that couples who are into pornography will have a price to pay for their casual acceptance.

Below are some reasons why I would not encourage couples to go into pornography for any reason:

1.  Pornography warps your attitudes and values! It has a dramatic effect on how you view and present women, sexual abuse, and sex in general. It also makes you develop appetite for more deviant and bizarre type of pornography which has a tendency to make you lack confidence in your marriage. It gives you the impression that sex is unrelated to love, commitment or marriage. If you get into pornography for too long, there is every tendency for you to begin to see women as valueless, ordinary tool to be used anytime to satisfy one's lust and not respected. It skews your perception of what beauty is and gives you unreasonable standards for sex with your wife/husband.

2.  Porn and sexual abuse! The habitual consumption of pornographic materials can result in a diminished satisfaction with mild forms of porn and a correspondingly strong desire for more deviant and violent material. Abusers also use it on their victims or use it to arouse children. “This person is enjoying it, so will you.”

3.  Porn destroys major sex life! Studies and observations have shown that viewing    pornography diminishes couples’ attraction to and satisfaction with their real-life partners. I remember a friend who suspected her husband was back into porn because he retarded in making love to her. And there’s another porn-addicted young man I met sometimes ago, who discovered that sex with his wife was only exciting when he imagined they were being videoed.

4.  Pornography has a way of encouraging extra marital affairs! The reason is that when couples, especially the man, gets into pornography, his expectations become very high and unrealistic in the bedroom forgetting the fact that things were not really the way they seemed in the material. Quite a number are on drugs to go that far, so It becomes worse when his partner wouldn't be able to live up to his wild expectation in order to fulfill his insatiable crave; he could want to try another object out of marriage.

5.  Addiction! The experience of sexual arousal can be intense with pornography, and as a result, an addiction can be very easily formed. Always trying to get “another fix” reinforces a habit that becomes tough to conquer. Some people get addicted to due to the fact that after a certain time, they have a hard time getting away from it because they compare it to real life encounters and always feel let down so they have got no choice than to fall back on porn images as respite. Some years ago, a study of 932 sex addicts in America shows 90% men and 77% women reported that porn was significant for their addiction.

Another disadvantage of pornography under Addiction is that it could cause financial burden on an individual or the couple. This can be true for anything in life though.

6.  Mirage! The actors and actresses in porn are paid to create an aura of enjoyment and satisfaction even when it is not pleasant leading to the assumption that merely walking into a room could automatically spark off something. This can cause frustration and violence without regard to love in homes.

7.  Porn doesn’t satisfy!  Repeated exposure to pornography not only results in a       diminished sexual arousal but also a decreased satisfaction with the partner and his or her sexuality. Medically speaking, prolactin is one of the chemicals that flows after lovemaking and leaves us contented and more attached to our partner but this could be inhibited where pornography is a lifestyle.

8.  It Destroys Intimacy! Within the context of marriage, sex is one of the awesome ways for couples to connect emotionally and physically. It has the ability to provide true intimacy, joy, and sexual satisfaction! Husbands who are into porn keep their addiction a secret from their wives and vice versa. Over a period of time, the results are guilt and isolation because he or she retreats emotionally and finds himself or herself in a vacuum because intimacy being shared with each other has been lost and discovered that pornography initially excites but doesn’t sustain.

Moreover, it makes your spouse to withdraw from your relationship because he receives instant gratification from his fantasies. Especially when couples have misunderstanding with one another, the one on porn lifestyle might not make any substantial effort to resolve it on time due to the fact that either of the partners already have something to fall back on. This attitude could make it difficult for either party to see sex as a loving form of communication.

Meet Alex Adapoyi of Lekki Wives

Alex Adapoyi, 42 years, starred as Prince in the movie, Lekki wives and swept me off my feet with the professionalism, finesse and the natural feel he brought into his role. This made me hit the internet to search for him for a chat, which he effortlessly obliged. Please, enjoy this piece as the mystery behind the dangerous Prince of Lekki wives is unraveled.

Toyin: In Lekki wives, you starred as Prince, a middle-aged, rich drug baron with weird sexual cravings. Any difference between Prince and Alex?

Alex: A lot of difference. Prince is just the movie character but that's not who Alex is. I necessarily don’t act out who I am really. An actor should be able to bring out any character the producer wants him to portray. Alex is humble, fears God and loves playing musical instrument.

Toyin: Have you got any formal training in acting?

Alex: No, but as a child, I was always trying to act different characters I came across in movies.

Toyin: How was your growing up like?

Alex: I wasn't an outgoing kid but surrounded with family members who love watching cartoons. We were always in front of the television, never missing a programme and we love animals. So life was more of an indoor thing, though had occasional football times with the community kids.

Toyin: And your greatest moment or event while growing up?

Alex: I will say my greatest moment in life was when I married my wife. Marrying her changed my whole life and made me a better man.

Toyin: Earlier, you mentioned musical instruments. Is that how you relax?

Alex: I play piano and bass guitar whenever I want to relax. Besides, my greatest ideas have come to me during these periods of relaxation.

Toyin: The impression about your industry is that it's the survival of the fittest. How easy was it for you to get to this point?

Alex:  Acting is a gift to some people while others have to study to acquire but I am lucky to have the gift and God has made it easier for me to get any role.

Toyin: In your opinion, can celebrities avoid scandals?

Alex: Yes, it is possible for celebrities to avoid scandals, depending on how mature they are. One of the ways is to avoid unnecessary publicity. I also keep away from ladies whose sole aim is to get me into bed. I don’t go out after 6pm when I get back from work except maybe when I am with the guys. If I must be with people, I gather a few friends either in my house or at a restaurant and have fun. However, most of these so called scandals are actually publicity stunts on the part of the celebrities. I heard Denzel Washington asks for his pastor's permission before taking on certain roles, now, that's a guy you will never hear any negative stuff about and he still gets the best roles in big movies!

Toyin: Looking at the way some romantic scenes are played, one wonders if it's really a movie. How do you deliver your romantic scenes with no distractions thereafter?

Alex: Most times, my wife is present at my shootings so I really don't have any problem there, but just to help the young ones out there, you are trying to pass a message across and that's why you are an actor. You are being paid to pass that message across as convincingly as is humanly possible so that should be your focus. There are bound to be side effects if you don't have a mature mind. There's no how you will kiss someone intimately and afterwards feel no connection, movie or no movie and that's why most times you see actors dating each other after a movie but if you know what you are after, that won't happen.

Toyin: Just like some doctors may decline abortion for some reasons, is there any script Alex would decline for any reason?

Alex: Yes, I can't be nude in any movie, kiss a dude or lady in an intimate way not sanctioned by my wife.

Toyin: I believe this has to do about your marriage. Your wife approves your script?

Alex: Yes, she looks into scripts with me, we discuss and we agree which is another way I demonstrate my respect for her.

Toyin: Your wife must be amazing! How did you meet her?

Alex: We grew up in the same community and our families knew one another. She was the only girl who declined my proposal. I asked her out for 12 years before she agreed because I wouldn't take no for an answer.

Toyin: 12 solid years? Tell me what you saw in her. 

Alex: Just her humility.

(C)ToyinIdowu

An Epic Event Took Place in My Office

June 18, 2018, around 10.30am, I was with my boss in his office reflecting on some of the things that happened the previous week. All of a sudden, we started hearing an uproar from another part of the office. The noise wasn't that of an impending danger because it was a bit uniform, similar to that of a musical voice crescendo. But what could be happening? Trust my nosy nature, I quickly excused myself to go and find out.

Getting there, few people who saw me began to adjust and started talking in a hush-hush voice because they knew I came from the boss. I moved near one of my colleagues and asked what the issue was. Apparently, an e-mail emanated from the Human Resources department caused the "joyful commotion". What was the content of this email? It was to notify the entire office about a forthcoming wedding this month between two of our colleagues in the same office. Wow....it came as a pleasant shock to everybody perhaps being the first time in our organisation but not me because I was privy to some things during my guy's "kurukere" moves.

Really, that wouldn't be a strange thing and I know it will not be a news to a lot of us because it happens everywhere. But you know what really caught my attention about this union? Every single person in the office has got one good thing or the other to say about this young, pretty, kindhearted, gentle, well-mannered and unassuming lady in question! Even her female colleagues testified to the fact that our guy got a good lady to marry. This would be the first time in my life that every single person of about 80 workers would be having good things to say about a lady all through. As I reflected on this, i came up with some qualities which I would like to share with my single ladies especially because it still tells me that what men are looking for in a marriage partner still remains the same. Not only that, faithfulness and good deeds pay a lot.

1. Aminat is a very cool headed lady. Times without number, people have stepped on her toes but her reactions were never out of order. "She put body for ground well well......o fara bale."

2. Aminat is a very reserved lady but at the same time very friendly and not boring. When you engage her in conversation or argument, you would definitely enjoy your flow with her but you will never see her play carelessly with any opposite sex in the office. She comports herself in a very modest manner. Our Aminat has got no record of scandal with anyone!

3. Another testimony about Aminat was that she has got courtesy and respect for everyone. She happens to be a lady who will never get tired of being the one to first say hello to you whether you see her or not. Always ready to help and share her things with you. I personally experienced these things about her.

4. This point shocked me most coming from her female friends at work! She is a very domesticated lady! As "tushed" as Aminat is, there is no type of local soup/food that Aminat doesn't know how to prepare. I am talking of a Lekki babe here o. Asides this, if you meet her washing plate after lunch at work, depending on the timing, Aminat would gladly offer to help you wash without you asking her to do so. I learnt she is the only lady that does that in the whole of my office!

5. In as much as anybody is free to marry who she likes, I doff my cap for her saying "yes" to my very handsome, lively, honest and kindhearted Dele, despite the fact that they are in the same office and on the same level earning the same salary. She wasn't looking for an already made man.

These and many more made me see reasons why she had a resounding testimony, why a well-trained and focused man went for her. Thank you Aminat for the reassurance that there is still hope for serious minded guys like your guy.

As you both become one, I can only wish you two love without end in Jesus name. Wishing you a happy married life. Congratulations my people!

(C)ToyinIdowu

Genital Examination Test for Intending Couples.

The Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) has issued out a notice mandating all intending couples who wish to get married under the leadership of the church to go for mandatory genital examination before the church can join them in holy matrimony.

The internal memo which was addressed to all pastors in charge of regions, provinces, heads of department and units was signed by Pastor J. F. Odesola on the 10^th of May 2018 stated that the mandatory genital examination test among other tests that will be required of any intending couple under the umbrella of the church is required to ascertain the fertility state of each prospective couple before they commit themselves in marriage and that such tests shall be carried out in any government approved hospital.

According to the memo, the reason for this directive is that the “the mission authority has observed the recurrence of cases of marital crisis resulting from falsehood, especially in the case of undeclared or confessed reproductive/genital status”.

Speaking with some of the pastors and members of the church, it has been a mixed reaction on the directive. Some actually felt it was a welcome development while others felt the church is going beyond her bounds to tamper with fundamental human rights.

But whatever the case maybe, we hope the directive will give rise to more reactions and events in due season and we watch as events unfold.

(C)ToyinIdowu

Finally, OAU Dismisses Randy Professor!

The authorities of the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife has finally dismissed the randy professor, Richard Akindele who was caught in the web of sex for marks scandal with Monica Osagie, a master’s student.  This development was made known at a press conference granted by the Vice Chancellor of the university, Dr. Eyitope Ogunbodede two days ago, 20^th June 2018.

After the breakout of the telephone conversation between Professor Akindele and Miss Osagie where he was heard demanding for five rounds of sex, a panel was set up to investigate the case few months ago and was found guilty by the panel. All the evidences that came up pointed to the fact that the professor, had planned to use his position of authority as her lecturer to forcefully demand for sex in order to upgrade her scores to a pass mark.

However, the investigation of the panel revealed that Monica Osagie, the victim never failed the course neither was she aware that she had a bad mark but the Accounting professor just wanted to take advantage of her.

Consequently, the lecturer was found culpable and was sacked from the employment of the school with immediate effect.

This, according to a lot of people is expected to serve as a deterrent to many others who are also found of victimizing other students sexually.

(C)Toyin Idowu

Can Some People Be Rescued?

 Last week Thursday, a Lagos based lawyer, Udeme Odibi was reported to have stabbed her husband to death and cut off his private part.

Shortly before then, we gathered that they had a disagreement in which the woman threatened to kill him. I guess the man knew his wife very well so he was said to have put a call through to his neighbor, younger sister and his mother about the threat. For me, this is the high point in this case.

I discovered that we are just too careful with ourselves to the point that we have lost touch with realities on one another. When late Otike called those people, what did they do? Oh, they just advised him to take things easy, let God take control and go to bed right? Did they step into the matter? Did they call the wife to calm her down? Did they ask the man to leave the house by all means? Did someone drive in to come pick the guy at all cost? Did someone call someone that knows someone who could prevail on the wife? Did anyone just raise an alarm? So many questions…..

Many times, people need a shoulder to lean on but they are being denied because we are just too engrossed with our lives. So many folks need someone they could be careless and vulnerable with but are nowhere to be found because we assumed folks have everything in shape. Many times, people come to us with teary eyes but we are so consumed with our "little issues" that we hardly notice.

A lot of high blood pressure cases could have been averted but we are too busy to give or family members, friends, colleagues, neighbours etc the opportunity to let out what they have bottled up for long. We just mind our business and do our thing in as much as we are okay, no other thing matters.

When next you notice that lovely married guy in your space getting unnecessarily withdrawn, please trespass and ask him questions. Even though you stand the risk of being ignored or rejected, play your part first. When next you see that married lady coming close to you in a manner that wasn't her lifestyle, pause and give her attention, it won’t land you on hospital bed.

The next time you receive a distressed call from anyone, don't treat it with levity. dont assume he'll be fine. go out of your way to do something. If you can't do anything, cry out on his behalf.  It is better for you to be annoyingly sensitive and cry out for help on behalf of such rather than keep things till he dies. When next you have a thought about someone, don't procrastinate, it could be your instinct telling you something. Please visit, call, text, e-mail or chat to know how he or she is doing. 

I know we all have our individual issues we are battling with but then, we will always have issues and if we go by that, we won't do anything for each other! with this attitude, a lot of untimely deaths could be obstructed.

(C) 2018

How Insecurity Harms Your Relationship

“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in”. Shannon L. Alder

Few days ago, I wrote on some of the tell-tale signs of insecurity in relationships either married or dating. Please read here: https://toyinidowu.blogspot.com.ng/2017/08/tell-tale-signs-of-insecurity-in-your.html Don’t forget, we defined insecurity as a feeling of uncertainty, a lack of confidence or anxiety about one self. And when people are so unsecured in themselves, they carry the attitude into their relationships and make a negative impact on it because insecurity is all about negativism. When an unsecured person starts a relationship with a positive person, such an individual contaminates that relationship with envy, doubts, bitterness and control which are all products of negative feelings that get him or her consumed with jealousy.

I need to state categorically at this point that contrary to beliefs from unsecured people, insecurity which manifests through jealousy does not in any way draw your partner to you; rather it drives them away from you each passing day. Each time you display jealousy expecting your partner to conform to your wishes; on the contrary, it only makes him or her get withdrawn further from you and he or she will have some sort of reservations for you. This is not good for relationships especially if it’s at the initial stage.

We can understand some things happen that make some partners seem so unsecured in their relationships. For example, if a partner is known to be a pathological liar or there had been history of unfaithfulness, these experiences could trigger insecurity in someone. But then, there are other periods that this is just the person’s nature, rather than keep damaging your emotions and the other person’s, it is better you voice out your concerns so that both of you can walk through it together constructively.

Having laid the background on this, we shall examine the different ways in which your insecurity harms your relationship.

Lack of Trust The first way insecurity harms your relationship is that it introduces lack of trust in your relationship. Because one of the partner is so unsecured, it becomes so difficult to trust the other party even when you are at your peak. Such people easily read meanings to normal phone calls; kind gestures to opposite sex, harmless text messages, hugs and so on. Lack of trust in a relationship is a very terrible ingredient; its presence easily collapses a thriving relationship. Without trust, it can’t work!

Assumption More often than not, unsecured people have this nauseating attitude of reading their partners and assuming wrongly even in their quiet state. When they call and there is no response, they assume the worst. When there is a slight misunderstanding and the other partner decides to keep quiet in order to give peace a chance, they can equally read meanings to it and infer a lot of things from that singular action. Reading minds and trying to assume the worst about one’s partner stifle a relationship to become a night mare.

Resentment When the unsecured partner keeps stalking and making issues out of no issues in the relationship, the other party begins to nurse the feeling of resentment. Resentment is a bitter feeling towards another person whereby his or her presence no longer excites you. It doesn’t just start in a relationship without a reason, most of it is as a result of insecurity.

Withdrawal People naturally want to be comfortable and be around those who will not be difficult to be with. Insecurity could be embarrassing, irritating and depressing. When a partner begins to experience this at frequent intervals, he or she begins to withdraw in order to avoid stress or anything that could trigger the negative attitude. This is a step away from breaking up.

Break-Up Insecurity murders relationships that have potentials to grow and succeed because the initial harmful effects mentioned above have taken a toll on the partners involved. Usually, the healthy partner is the first to initiate the break up while the unsecured one seldom agrees to the break up despite his or her various accusations of unfaithfulness but then, the other partner at the receiving end has got to do what he or she needs to do and move on.

The Salient Harm Depending on how long one stays with an unsecured person in a relationship, if care is not taken, the healthy partner could become vulnerable and lose his or her own self esteem as well. This negative attitude is like an aura that permeates without knowing. You may be thinking you are fighting the attitude from the other partner is making life miserable for you as a result of his or her insecurity but deep down in you, you are gradually losing it and becoming like the unsecured partner. This is the more reason why people need to be very careful with negative people around them. The closest person to you influences your thought pattern unknowingly most times.

                                                        (C)RealityCheck2017

Mind Sets Are So Powerful!

It's a good thing to pray, fast, do vigils and attend so many miraculous church programmes. If all these work for you, fine. But you know what? All these will just be efforts in futility if you don't change your mind set. Mindsets are so powerful because they control what we eventually come up with in life. None of the results in our life today is devoid of our mindsets and what we will eventually amount to in future is to a large extent a function of our mindsets.

Mindsets are fixed attitudes or ideas that you have which are often difficult to change. They also design your values and chart your course in life. Your mindset simply makes you who you are. What sort of mindset are you having in every aspect of your life?

  

You will keep having problems with jobs if your attitude reeks that of "30 days make one pay", whether you work or not. When you are lazy and can't go extra mile on your job, no matter the type of spiritual exercise you engage in, when push comes to shove, you will be replaced. No matter the seed or offering you sow irrespective of the anointing oil you use, no matter who laid hands on you, if you don't prepare and do the needful for the interview you are going for, grace will not speak for you!

Relationship wise, when you stick to your traditions without reviewing them when it’s obvious they are not working for you, you will keep having problems with your relationships. When you have a negative mindset towards everybody you come across or comes your way, it will be very difficult for you to hold a meaningful relationship. If your mindset is such that all men are the same or all women are the same and this is how to treat them, "wahala go dey". When you dump the success of your relationship on God's laps and expect Him to help you succeed at it even when you are not ready to slave for it and work things out, you can't have a meaning relationship but keep engaging in spiritual exercises that will not yield any result.

If you are not creating time deliberately to be at home and see things happen under your nose, no amount of "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" will work. You can't eat your cake and have it, you can't be up there and at the same time give the impression that you are down here with them. If you crave for a smooth relationship with your kids, be deliberate about it. You can't know what's in their hearts if you don't know what's in their school bags first!

(C)RealityCheck2017

Tell-Tale Signs of Insecurity In Your Partner

“Chances are that when someone hates on you, it’s not about you at all. It’s about them. It’s their fear, their jealously, their boredom, and their insecurity.” - Unknown Author.

To be insecure is to have a feeling of uncertainty, a lack of confidence or anxiety about yourself. It’s a state whereby you have not accepted your own sort of uniqueness and doubt if you actually have something in you that can benefit other people or the society at large. This eventually makes you result into a state of pity that you eventually take out on other people especially in your relationships. Being insecure could be circumstantial or a continuing pattern of life from childhood due to an awkward upbringing, mostly. For example, if your partner lost a loved one or had a fall in life like a broken relationship or failed an important exam, the corresponding reaction to the event could manifest through insecurity for some time. But in a situation whereby it has been a major lifestyle, then it becomes a serious issue which one may not be able to treat with a quick fix of affection and reassurance that such people demand. Insecure peeps can only help themselves to a larger extent!

In this write-up, we shall only examine the signs of insecurity in our partners if we have one in our lives. It is pertinent to be able to spot the tell-tale signs early enough to actually know what we are dealing with, in order to aid us in taking a decision whether to stay back and help him or her overcome or back out of the relationship.

1. Lack of Trust

In Joseph Nowinski’s words, this partner thinks of himself as unworthy, unlovable and of other people as untrustworthy. When your partner keeps telling you how unworthy or a failure he or she is and how every other person can’t be trusted for one reason or the other, then there is a deep-seated insecurity problem which definitely makes them to keep nursing the impression that you are cheating on them or still have an eye for your ex, even when you had broken up for a long time. In extreme cases, such partners could accuse you of having an affair with a co-worker, church member, neighbour or just accuse you of using him or her as a second fiddle because he's not good enough for you.

2. Break-Up Threat

This sort of immature attitude is mostly exhibited by the men. They break up with you or threaten to do so many times over very little inconsequential issues just to get you to validate their brittle ego. Not that they really want to let go of you though, but just to test your commitment. You hear things like, “I don’t think you love me enough…, I think you are just deceiving me… or I don’t feel wanted” etc. If you are not smart enough, you will get hooked in that messy relationship but once you call his bluff, he will begin to know it’s not business as usual. But then, the insecurity mask is still there and probably looks for another avenue to express itself.

3. Constant Stalking and Jealousy

The insecure partner often feels you are hiding something from him on your mail, phone, or social media. Whenever you post anything on tweeter, Face book or Instagram, she is quick to follow it and read meanings to some of the comments and the post in itself. It becomes worse if you didn’t notify him or her before making a post about any of your unusual or special events. He may demand for passwords to any of your social media accounts or stylishly ask to go through your phone or e-mails. Such partner even demands to know whose call you were receiving or who you were sending a text message to. And should you decline to feed his or her curiosity, it will definitely result into cheap blackmail and get messier.

Constant stalking and jealousy go hand in hand and they happen as a result of insecurity in partners. They compare the time you spend with friends with what you spend with them and begin to feel jealous. They can’t understand why you have to hang out with church members or co-workers after work. Being friendly with an opposite colleague on a platonic level is a tall order especially if that colleague of yours looks more attractive or richer. Initially, you may be enjoying the jealousy as a normal thing, after all we all need a measure of it in our relationships but as time goes on, you begin to get chocked.

4. Quest for Constant validation.

Insecure people are attention seekers who get their self-esteem from other people’s opinion rather than their inner satisfaction and conviction. An insecure partner would always want you to tell him or her how beautiful, lovable and valued he or she is and ask questions if he or she is loved over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, we all need to be validated but when it comes from an insecure heart, it usually takes a different turn and becomes difficult to handle. Even when you assure such partners, they still don’t believe you. To them, it’s just a flattery or lip service.

5. Control

An insecure partner will always want to control how you spend your time, money and even your commitment to your family. He or she wants your day to start and end with him or her. The whole drama starts with criticism which is aimed at weakening your individuality. He criticises almost everything about you that is different from his because he or she feels having you under his or her close monitor and conformity to his or her ways will lower your risk of cheating. Moreover, another twist to this is that an insecure partner can’t stand criticism. Such becomes defensive at the slightest constructive criticism even when there is no need for that. When next you open up to your insecure partner about an attitude you want changed, watch it, he or she may take it personally and turn it around rather than looking inwards to consider a change of attitude.

6. A “YES” Lady

At first, this might interest you but trust me as time goes on, you get bored at it because it looks like there is no creativity in the relationship. Your woman will definitely like all what you like and say yes to every stupid thing you say even at her own detriment. This is a bid to make sure she satisfies you and no other woman gets to snatch you away from her. She is bringing nothing to the table because she relies on you the “almighty” to always supply ideas. Her own is to follow suit. This is a very strong indication of insecurity.

                                      (C)RealityCheck2017